The Fine Art of Office Mumbo Jumbo

Spoiler Alert: If your tolerance for corporate-speak and literal nonsense, is ebbing like a Tsunami, please skip article and head directly to the Translation below.

Saying it does not make it true.

We’ve all been spending a lot of time lately conjecturing on what clients need.

Perhaps we should ask them.

Perhaps we should talk to each other in plain language.

Be upfront about what we are good at, and what we’re not so good at.

Tell it like it is.

Be human.

Imagine that.

The Mumbo Jumbo

Recently, after a long and rather circular conversation about what clients need, and what we all need, it was suggested that I should regroup, reconnect and 'socialize our messaging’.

I was not aware that we were all shopping, but apparently, we need everyone’s ‘buy-in’ for this, including the 'key stakeholders'. But first, we need to ballpark the bandwidth, work on our core competencies and empower some exponential amplification and explosive growth. Level up our integration.

I guess we really are in the transformation business, if nouns can so easily become verbs, and vice versa. Archimedes said, ‘give me a lever long enough, and I shall move the world’. And yet, words are not levers.

Alas, we must stay within the collaborative ecosystem we are building, and stick to our corporate ethos. I must think outside the box. Find the black box. Perhaps I am in the wrong vertical? Let’s drill down. Or perhaps, we should take this offline or to the next level. Let’s re-imagine this and we can re-align ourselves. By the way, I have a hard stop, and it’s getting harder by the day. Maybe a holistic approach would be better for this value-added disruptive acceleration of our own transformation. Or better yet, maybe I need an exit strategy. Fuel my own engagement. Let’s turn these pain points around and solutionize it.

Let’s get our ducks in a row! Yes, an oldie, but a goodie.

Perhaps that’s how all of this began. We’ve now lined up so many ducks, that it’s hard to hear what’s being said, above all of the quacking.

Well, Duck. Duck. Goose.

Let’s unpack this. :)

Maybe I really do need a paradigm shift in my wheelhouse. Is this the new-normal? Is it sustainable? I want to diversify, desperately. I wish I could push the envelope. If I cherry-pick the direction, will it clarify where I should circle back? Oh, I know, let’s do a deep dive on this! That will close the loop. Let’s get hyperlocal and figure out the logistics of this long tail. Let’s make it pop for the next generation! Peel back the onion on this quick-win and build our social currency. Where is the fuzzy logic! How about some visibility! Where is the wikiality.

Will we ever be able to synergize? Where do we keep all those learnings we speak about. Let’s boil the ocean. I may just have a window for you. I am looking out, but where the heck are all of those low hanging fruit, when you need them. It’s just the beta but I need to see the big data on the bricks-and-mortar and the sync up the omni-channels for that matter. Yes, let’s mine that. Elevate the essence.

We need to bottom-line this and deliver the brass tacks. Why are we are so arduous in our acronyms - why ever do we lust after a litany of lengthiness and litigious latitude, as we meander through monogamous phrasing, without standing up for the straight goods. Call a spade a spade. Is that offensive or or odorous, or perhaps onerous? Some days, it feels a bit like a conjunctive odyssey and I long for the end of the day to mean, more than just a warning that I am about to hear, yet another ‘aha’ moment.

Sometimes a Pepsi, is just a Pepsi. It’s not a movement.

Perhaps, if I speak the truth, that will unmuddy the waters.

Recently, I received an email from a colleague, which said ‘it was just not possible to remove the DNA sequence time enforcement'. I replied, ‘We shall meet in the place, where there is no darkness’. The reply came swiftly with one word, in my inbox, “YES.”

Can someone build me a roadmap to this destination?! I need some end-to-end globalization, integrated rationalization, or just some plain conversation.

Can we do this in real-time?

Perhaps we need a short detox from the Mumbo Jumbo. Consider returning to a few old fashioned values and words we may have lost sight of, like truth, empathy and insight.